The Khaz Modan Cheese of the Month Club Guide to Brewfest 2010

Great things are happening in Khaz Modan this month! That’s no different than any other month, of course, but we’re also celebrating BREWFEST! This is a very special time, and we here at the Khaz Modan Cheese of the Month Club make the sacrifice of setting aside our own quest in order to put the focus where it belongs… on Brewfest! There will be no Cheese of the Month declared for this month. Instead, we are providing a guide to getting the most out of your Brewfest experience.

On a personal note, I have returned to my work in Quantum Mechanical Engineering and have been working very hard at finding a way to build a Portable Pocket Portal. This machine would allow you to create a small portal that serves as a pocket in space and time… perfect as a vault for your stash of cheese! There have been rumors of Dark Irons thinking of making their way into Ironforge, and one can never be overly prepared for such a catastrophe! I invite all engineers who have the good sense not to get training from goblins to begin work on their own Portable Pocket Portals for keeping cheese safe, and feel free to share your notes on your work. Mighty empires shall rise and fall, but Ironforge shall stand and our cheese shall be preserved!

Now, on to the Khaz Modan Cheese of the Month Club Guide to Brewfest! I’ll see you all at the gates of Ironforge!

– Fizzy Stouthammer, spokesdwarf for The Khaz Modan Cheese of the Month Club

HOW TO GET THE MOST OUT OF YOUR BREWFEST EXPERIENCE

a friendly guide from The Khaz Modan Cheese of the Month Club

Location is Everything!

When celebrating Brewfest, the most important thing to remember is that this is a dwarven holiday. Ask yourself these questions: “When I think of a dwarven holiday, where do I expect it to be celebrated?” “Where would I find a large dwarven city with easy access to vendors, tradesmen, a bank, an auction house, and beds for sleeping off the hangover?” Aye, friends, Brewfest is celebrated right outside of Ironforge! Not right outside bloody Orgrimmar!

Now, I’ve been to Orgrimmar a time or two. Popped in to honor the Elders. Went with Lady Proudmoore the one time. Showed up a wee bit uninvited with my brother and Yablo Truewhisper once because I heard rumors they had cultists that needed killing in that cave at the bottom of the city. Popped in again to see how big their fire was during the Fire Festival, and I would have stayed to do some fishing except for some of the locals being upset to see me there. Took a dragon to visit that Tauren named Gamon once. My point is, it’s a fine city and Warchief Thrall has every reason to be proud of his home. But it’s no Ironforge Mountain, and what they call “Brewfest” out there is really a goblin sham!

Drink responsibly. Drink in Ironforge.

Show the Ogres What Your Stomach is Made Of!

If the only folks you had to buy brew from were the Barleybrews and the Thunderbrews, this wouldn’t be any different than what we call “All Bloody Year Long”. No one is ever going to settle that brewing feud. Things are really best that way, of course. Can you imagine all the free brew we’d lose if we didn’t always have one or the other of them pulling us aside and saying, “Drink this and tell me if the others brew anything better!”?

I wouldn’t normally tell yourselves to get within spitting distance of ogre brew. Once a year, though, it won’t kill you to drink a bit. If it does kill you, you’ll just be proving that you’re as weak as the ogres think. Drink it down and survive to drink another… just to show them!

Don’t Whip Your Ram Too Hard!

If you get hired to do any advertising and such, please be mindful of how hard you’re whipping the ram. These are wonderful creatures. I don’t know how far I’d have gotten in my initial travels across Azeroth without Copper to carry myself and my gear. If you beat the poor beast so hard he’s wheezing and moving slower than the reclaiming of Gnomeregan, you’ve got no business riding a ram in the first place!

Not to mention you’ll probably get yourself chewed out by some bloody git from the DEHTA.

Dress Festively!

Of course you’ll look silly in the traditional Brewfest clothing if you’re not a dwarf, but put it on anyhow! And don’t forget to share some of the holiday excitement with your ram. Just feed your faithful mount a wee bit of hops, and they get into the spirit of things and look fairly festive, as well.

Between yourselves and myself, I don’t know how folks end up dancing drunk in the Dalaran fountains , but it never seems to happen until after they’re properly dressed for it. Something about the Brewfest garb really gets the parties going.

Look Out for the Smaller Creatures!

I’ll never forget the first time I saw a wolpertinger. I thought Garret Rumrifle was just making up a story to convince me to drink more! Some of you may still not believe they exist, but they do. Keep your eyes open for them… no matter how blurry your vision gets.

And speaking of smaller creatures… Don’t go punting High Tinker Mekkatorque! Or at least wait until after he’s tapped the keg before you do.

Join the Brew of the Month Club!

If you haven’t already paid your dues and joined the Brew of the Month Club, this is when they have their membership drive. Think of it as a Cheese of the Month Club with beer instead of cheese. The two go very well together! And just like you carry a good supply of cheese on yourself at all times… You do, aye?… pick up a pony keg and carry a good supply of dwarven brew at all times.

Don’t Forget the Pretzels, Sausage… or CHEESE!

Don’t try to do all that heavy drinking on an empty stomach. Not when there’s all that food to go around! I’d advise going a bit easy on the Spicy Smoked Sausage, though. You’ll have more room for the Spiced Onion Cheese that way.

Defend! Do it Drunk, but Defend!

With concerns about Dark Irons heading toward Ironforge increasing, you should keep on the look-out for another Coren Direbrew. Don’t let that take any of the fun out of the celebration for you, though. Go on with your drinking, dancing, and laughing. Just be ready to fight any second. Essentially, try being a dwarf for a while if you aren’t one by nature. If you are blessed enough to be a dwarf, it’s just the regular routine.

May your mugs be overflowing, and may the wolpertingers linger!

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~ by Fizzy Stouthammer on 09/01/2010.

One Response to “The Khaz Modan Cheese of the Month Club Guide to Brewfest 2010”

  1. I find Orgrimmar astonishingly poorly defended. My repeated visits there have failed to improve things, although I did notice some construction underway the last time they were there. Maybe the bloody savages are finally getting a lick of sense, although I doubt it.

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