Report #00008: The Mating Habits of Azerothians

There has been a lot of trouble recently with some products from the Crown Chemical Co. I’m not sure if the products are at fault for everyone’s behavior, or if everyone’s behavior has been building for some time and the Crown Chemical Co. simply saw what they believed to be the “right time” to take advantage of it. I suppose either is possible and the results are the same… cities are flooded with people who are “in love”.

Love and myself do not have a good history with each other. I loved my mother, but she went insane. I loved my “brother”, Bott, but my mother had to deactivate him. I loved my work, but it was destroyed in Gnomeregan. I loved the only friend I ever really had in Gnomeregan, but he can’t remember who he used to be and wanders Deeprun Tram digging through garbage.  Greta and Friginne have given me more love than I’ve ever known before, but Greta died and she was really the lively Stouthammer. Friginne keeps to himself, and I’ve had to learn that it’s the little things… like how he still calls me “little one”… that are his way of saying he loves me.

Fel… Friginne’s been through his own pain as a result of love. He’s spent the past year traveling through lands he knows as a path through places inside himself I don’t think anyone should have to go. One day, he may recover from what the demons did to his wife. I wouldn’t bet much more than about two copper on that, though. A century with Krona was too long to just wake up one day a few years later and be at peace with losing her like he did.

I’d be foolish to claim that I know my brother’s pain, but I know some small measure of it. For the first time in my life, I’d found a dwarf I loved and who loved me in return. He was all I could have asked for and more than I probably deserved. Of course, he died in Northrend. I suppose I’d be lying if I said that the work I did there recently didn’t please me somewhere inside. I was asked to help take down a rather large frost wyrm, and since they told me at Valliance Keep that it was most likely a frost wyrm that had been responsible for Garret’s death, I was more than happy to take one down. They could have asked me to take ten or twelve down. I wouldn’t mind at all… they wouldn’t even have to pay me.

So it’s a wee bit strange to me to see so many people running around celebrating love. I made one of my weekly visits to Aerie Peak to talk to Agnar about it. He’s become something of a father figure to me, and I suppose nearly eighty-four years without a father makes me overdue for one. We talked about love. Love for the land, and for the animals of all kinds… even those who wear clothes and talk… who are part of it. How love and duty go together. Love of something greater than yourself that is also a part of yourself. I suppose it all sounds a lot more philosophical and elf-like when I put it that way. It mostly involved a few pints of ale and several grunts of, “Ye do yer part in life, ye won’t have so much time to ask questions about love.”

After a few pints, though, there was more talk about what many Azerothians mistake for love. Or, at the very least, the part of things that isn’t love itself but can be very closely tied to it. We had ways of saying that without really saying it in Gnomeregan, but you might be surprised how many non-gnomes just give you a blank stare if you suggest “slipping the copper tube into the socket and checking to see if the reactor fires”. Of course, I have discovered that phrasing actually does work in other contexts, so I suppose there is some room for confusion. It really only meant two things in Gnomeregan, the literal or the crude, and either interpretation was likely to get a cheer out of most gnomes.

Hours after Agnar had stopped laughing at me, when I was walking down the street in Dalaran, it occured to me that engineering does offer some interesting solutions and tools for finding solutions in life. Maybe my quest to understand what has everyone so excited about each other lately could be helped by crafting a device that would allow me to do exactly what Agnar said I’d need to be able to do… try to see some of the people around me the way other people see them. I’ve certainly noticed quite a few people returning from walks in the woods or running out of a room at an inn still getting their clothes back on straight, so it’s obvious the way they’re seeing each other is naked. So I ran to the bank to get some of my tools from the vault, then went over to the forge and crafted a pair of Gnomish X-Ray Specs.

If you learn nothing else from this report, learn this! Gnomish X-Ray Specs should NOT be worn when walking around a city where you know a lot of the people! At least not if you’re perfectly happy knowing them only with their clothes on. And I had no idea trolls are so interested in piercing their flesh for decorative purposes. I assume it’s merely decorative. I suppose someone else could research that more.

It’s not as though I’ve never seen a naked elf before. Really, who hasn’t? I should have just prepared myself better mentally for the suddeness of it. The naked tauren was a bit of a surprise, and I still don’t understand at all what it is I’m supposed to see with the undead. They weren’t repulsive, which is how I’ve heard them described. They’re just very bony. I wouldn’t mind finding a place where there were more dwarves walking around.

Somewhere in my observations and reactions, I may have found exactly what Agnar was saying I needed to find. Everyone has certain preferences, and when they see someone walk by who displays the qualities they prefer…  I don’t know if love is exactly what has been in the air, but whether it’s from a biological source or the Crown Chemical Co., you can smell the pheromones.

~ by Fizzy Stouthammer on 02/11/2010.

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