Report #00001: On the Subject of Gnomish Identity and Those Who Would Be Dwarves

Note on chronology of documentation:  I am placing this copy of an old report in the library for it’s informative value. Some points are out-of-date, such as my name, but I am reluctant to edit this data. I feel that doing so would compromise the goal of documenting my personal experiences. In many ways, the experiences of “Fizzy Runesprocket” are not the experiences of “Fizzy Stouthammer”, and the data must be pure for the evolution to be observed. Further explorations, observations, and explanations on some of these out-of-date points will be made available in furture reports.

On the subject of Gnomish Identity and Those Who Would Be Dwarves: a research report and personal account by Fizzytwizzle Runesprocket

An interesting hypothesis was put forth recently by Mr. Garret Rumrifle: Perhaps I, Fizzy Runesprocket, am partially of dwarven descent. Potentially, this could explain my great desire to be recognized in some way as an invaluable and irreplaceable member of the dwarven community. Additionally, my desire to make Ironforge my permanent home, even once the gnomish people reclaim Gnomeregan. Additionally, my undying loyalty to King Magni Bronzebeard, whereas High Tinker Gelbin Mekkatorque is simply respected by me as a great engineer.

I decided this idea warranted some research. The logical place to start (and gnomes are nothing if not logical, of course) would be examining genealogical records to trace my family line. However, records of that sort are not as common among gnomes as other people might expect. The truth is, most gnomes know very little of our history that pre-dates meeting the dwarves. What we do know has mostly been preserved through them. One must attempt to look at this from a gnomish perspective… which most people just aren’t short enough to do. It doesn’t take a lifetime of research and development for two gnomes to produce a third gnome. An empty lab, a little lubricant, copper tube, connecting socket… do your calculations correctly and you’ll see results beginning in a few months. Engineering, though! That is worth documenting. Discoveries, developments, great inventions… gnomes who change the way we look at our ability to create and re-create our own existence have their work well documented. As a people, we tend to not concern ourselves so much with where we came from, but with where we are going and how many we can take with us. And how much fuel it would take to get us all there, and whether or not that fuel cost could be made more efficient through further developments.

So, again, I had very little in the way of family history to go on. I do, of course, know who some of my ancestors were because gnomes live long enough that several generations may know each other at one period in time. Asking any of these gnomes questions, though, would no longer be possible. I have no living gnomish family. (Please note that I was unofficially adopted after the fall of Gnomeregan by Greta Stouthammer, and her son Friginne still claims me as his little sister, even after Greta’s death. If you’re ever in Ironforge, buy my brother a drink.  I have living family members… just not gnomes.) With the few names I know, though, I had a starting point. After speaking with one of the librarians in Stormwind (the one with the glass eye who’s husband affectionately calls her “Kilrogg”) I had a little more to go on when I got to the library in the Hall of Explorers.

I got Mr. Rumrifle to assist me, and we began with searching for any mentions of the name “Wizzgibble” or dwarven names beginning with “Iron”. However, as Mr. Rumrifle pointed out, many dwarven names begin with “Iron”, and we soon abandoned that path so we could focus on finding the elusive “Wizzgibble”. The story goes that Sparky Wizzgibble started spending a lot of time around the dwarves who helped build Gnomeregan, and reports of where she went after the completion of the city are fuzzy at best. Some say she left. Others say she simply kept to herself while in Gnomergan and took long vacations away from the city at other times. They also say she drank a lot for a gnome.

We found a portrait of Sparky Wizzgibble in one book, and a drawing of someone Mr. Rumrifle described as being either a gnome with dwarven features, or a dwarf with gnomish features in another book. We also found a few mentions of a “suspiciously small dwarf” traveling with a few other dwarves. Oddly, but not in any way we could ever really connect to the other documents, we also found a map of all the mines in a region that had notes written in both gnomish and dwarven langauges. While it is not at all uncommon for gnomes to learn the languages of others (it was the purpose of the Friends and Neighbors Language Assimilation Program in Gnomeregan), we make our maps for our own use and nearly exclusive make our notes in our native language. I don’t even bother showing others my pattern book for my tailoring, as it is written in gnomish and doing so would be useless to most people.

It was  Mr. Rumrifle who noticed the resemblence between Sparky Wizzgibble and the gnomish-dwarfish person in the other drawing. Upon looking again, I realized I knew who the second drawing was of… a gnome named Tesla Springcoil! At that point, I knew the name “Sparky Wizzgibble” was either a mistake or meant to mislead anyone who came across the name. Tesla Springcoil’s mother was Sparki Wizzgadget. Most likely, there is no Sparky Wizzgibble.

I showed Mr. Rumrifle a copy of one of the engineering manuals in my personal collection… Sprockets and Spacetime: Collected Documents from Research and Development in the Field of Quantum Mechanical Engineering by Sparki Wizzgadget. Sparki was one of the greatest minds ever to walk the corridors of Gnomeregan. She was an inspiration to me, and her work was the reason I went into Quantum Mechanical Engineering rather than Gadget Enhancement or Advanced Weaponry and Mechanical Critter Development. She was also at the center of  rumors and whispered scandal, mostly surrounding her daughter, Tesla Springcoil. The official story was that the father of Tesla was a gnome who had accidently blown himself up with one of his inventions while Tesla was still an infant. This happens more often that other races may realize, and would make him one of many forgotten engineers who neglected to find an assistant who would stand  close to the untested machine. It would also be a perfect cover story if one did not want to reveal one’s parentage. Tesla was often judged to be sub-standard when it came to gnomish standards of beauty, and it was said in whispers from time to time that Tesla was, in fact, part dwarf.

After telling Mr. Rumrifle about Tesla, I reminded him that he had once asked me whether or not I knew who my ancestors were. I had brushed the question aside at the time, but now I answered it. I know my blood line only as far back as Babbi Spincog, but that may be all I need to know. Babbi Spincog was the father of Sparki Wizzgadget. Sparki Wizzgadget produced Tesla Springcoil. In time, Tesla partnered with a gnome named Flaskburn who had gone blind in a lab-related accident. I knew Flaskburn personally. That same accident left his face misshapen enough to make it difficult to judge his age, and so it is difficult for me to say for sure which socket he fit in the bloodline, but Flaskburn and Tesla’s line produced Abbi Techplugg.

Abbi Techplugg made quite a few advancements in her career in the devlopment of gnome-like robotics, until one of her proto-types failed and this was such a traumatic experience for her that she went insane. More insane than most gnomes.  Before Abbi Techplugg became an associate of Sicco Thermaplugg and disappeared in Gnomeregan, she was the engineer who gave me my first electron scanner. She read me bedtime stories like Is That a Sprocket in Your Pocket? and Little Gnome Builds an Airship. At one time, Abbi Techplugg was the mother of Fizzytwizzle Runesprocket.

I will continue to research this, as it seems we have found some support for Mr. Rumrifle’s hypothesis.

This has been an emotional report for me to write, and worse yet is my fear that King Magni still will not recognize me as being as much a part of Ironforge as any dwarf allow me to replace my mechano-monstrosity mount with a good ram. At the same time, I feel personally enriched by having researched this, and can understand why dwarves devote so much time and effort to knowing where they come from. If you do not know where you came from, how can you be sure you are going in some other direction?


~ by Fizzy Stouthammer on 12/29/2009.

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